bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
