I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
