ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
