On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My bed smells like the plague
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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