took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
