I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
