well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
