News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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