; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
