I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
