Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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