doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
