He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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