Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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