am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
