Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
