I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
