I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
