don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
