She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
