New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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