I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
