Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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