meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize