I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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