Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
