Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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