the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
