You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize