Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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