so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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