Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
