Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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