What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
