toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
