dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
