New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
