Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
two words...techno handjob
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
