Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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