Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
