Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Help. Why am I so naked?
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