Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
