In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
