I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
