I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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