If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
