his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
