So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
