i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
its liver damage thursday
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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