May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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