I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
