You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
