You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
