While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
