i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
