I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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