if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
