This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
