he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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