it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
