i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
