Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize