but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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