she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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