Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
