Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
