I could make wine with my vomit
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
