you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
