i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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