I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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