how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
